Friday, July 23, 2010

Last Night's Dream

In my dream:

I had just moved out of my crappy apartment and everything I owed was in a backpack on my back, and I had my son in a baby carrier on my front. I rode my bike this way and went to work, where I got fired because I was late and I couldn't bring my baby to work with me. I left the horrible job feeling overwhelmed and hopeless.

Then I was at a band competition. Back in high school, back on the bleachers, and back in maroon and gold with my high school friends. We were sitting on the bleachers listening to a famous preacher/motivational speaker. He told us to link arms with the person on our right and to link arms with the person on our left. "Lean on them, depend on them" he said," because some hard times are coming" "You will need each other, and you will need their strength to get you through."

One person, was not linked together, she was lying flat on her back on the football field. We thought she was hurt or something so we ran to her and the preacher asked her if she was okay.

"You tell us to link arms, to rely on each other," she said calmly, "but that is not what my grand dad would say." "He would say to look to God and ask God for his help to get us through tough times." She confronted the preacher, "you say you are a man of God and yet you don't acknowledge him or lean on him for understanding."

The preacher asked her, "and you know him? You know that he is real. How can you know this? How do you know that God exist and he will help you?"

She laid back down on the field and looked up stating, "I looked up at the Heavens and I asked him if he was real....and he answered me, " she said.

So then we all laid down on the football field and looked up at Heaven asking God if he was there. As we looked up we saw the most beautiful sunset. She said "look at that and tell me that God does not exist"

I woke up to my alarm at this point. But her words hung in the air around me. "God does exist and he is here to help us through the hard times"

I don't have a son, I haven't been fired or removed from my home. I have a wonderful family and good friends, but I think that as much as I rely on them, I need to acknowledge and rely on God more.

I have prayed long and hard about the choices I have made the past few years. Choices that have affected my children, my relationship with family members and friends around me. Choices that have caused others to dislike me and think badly about me. I stand by my choices and I won't back down from them. I believe in God and I believe that he is still here with me, I have not chosen against him or his teachings. I think the dream is a way of saying, yes God is still with me. Friends come and go, families have falling outs, but God, he is always there.